Friday, September 21, 2012

Rekindling My Motivation

*A bit of a lengthy Reflection...  ;)

Earlier today I was finding myself just going through the motions with my daily chores and even with my art supplies...just looking at it...feeling very confused about it again...but I thank God for showing me that all I needed to do was rekindle my motivation.  There are many times especially recently when I catch myself thinking negative thoughts towards myself...whether they are of my own brain or influenced by an outside source remains to be seen but I am glad that I am catching on sooner rather than later.  I used to not catch on until way too later but I know that due to my praying everyday for the Lord to lead and guide me...that he is!  I feel that it's important for me to blog about these things and whatever major life events this is a way for me to see my own progress with my artwork and life...and if I help a soul or two then this is not done in vain.

So 2 weekends ago...I was on a roll...feeling like I was accomplishing so much...then on the Monday after as I was working on reorganizing my art area I got a call from my dad...he was upset...and for those who know my dad, you know that's a rarity.  They had went to the Dr. that day due to my mom looking yellow and her liver count was high.  The Dr. told my parents that they seen a mass in her liver area and that it was most likely cancer...he did this without a biopsy!!  So you can imagine how this sent me into what I can only describe as a 'Super focus' mode on my mom...I could not think of anything and was very unproductive until my mom got home.

So from Monday through Tuesday I was at the hospital with my dad.  By Tuesday the doctors were now saying that it wasn't Cancer (Thank God).  We had so many family & friends praying for my mom so she was being showered in prayer coverage!!  By Wednesday...I was wiped sugars were too high and it was like I was recouperating from what felt like a hangover!!  My mom was able to come home on Friday while they waited for all the test results and just yesterday we found out she is clear of cancer (they did many tests and biopsy's) but that she has auto immune hepattitus and are now treating her for this.  I thank God for my husband for being such a great support to me through all this!

Add to the same time of all this going on that week we found out that we are going to have to start all over again to get our background checks and home inspections since we are now going to be fostering to adoption through the's a long complicated story but we are strong and will go through what we need to but I won't lie...I am very disappointed and concerned for my little girl.  I guess these combined things slipped me into a little funk...which led to my post title.

I was trying to stay focused on getting back on track this week...doing pretty well...but it felt like such a struggle but I did it...I posted my first batch of original art for sale, which I have been needing to do for a long time it felt good...but then when there were no responses...well, that's when those ugly negative thoughts started to creep in...I began to think, well maybe I'm not that good...should I even continue down this path?  Well when the even worse & critical self thoughts popped up I felt like all my creative energy was getting drained from me...even though last night I finished redoing my 2 'Autumn Angels' and was very happy with them...I began to look at my work and felt somewhat defeated.

I decided to watch some videos on youtube for inspiration and I found a few about getting motivated and in one of them this guy was saying to think of a time that I felt learn or pay attention to what triggers my motivation.  I'm still trying to figure that one I thought to know maybe I should just work on I decided to finish up my little mermaid...sort of a way to complete the process of saying goodbye to summer and hello to the new Autumn season...a new beginning to the next chapter of my life...a rekindling of my motivation!

'Marina' - Original Artwork by Gina Arzaga


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