Thursday, March 21, 2013

I am Forever Changed...

On our way home...
Last Thursday my husband and I began our trip to Seattle, Washington to meet Cailan for the 1st time...we decided to drive as it really was our only choice.  Little did we know how much that drive was going to change our whole life.  I know that for me, this whole weekend's event of meeting my little girl and even the traveling experience has changed me forever...the Lord has truly blessed my soul and I will never be the can I be?

We drove 18 hours straight...only stopping for gas and food...we were so full of adrenaline from the excitement of meeting her that we didn't even feel tired!  We knew the whole time that we were in God's care...even before we left we were being blessed.  As I wrote before we weren't sure how we'd get there due to our financial situation but we felt the timing was crucial that we leave when we did...I prayed so hard all through the night and the Lord provided...we were blessed with Love gifts from our family and friends with enough to have the gas money we needed to drive up there plus be able to pay for our hotel for 2 days and food for the trip up there...for that we are forever grateful!

On Friday morning while we were still in Oregan we were happy to see that his paycheck did get deposited as our cash was running low and then we knew we would be able to really enjoy spending time with Cailan and not have to worry about money anymore.  We arrived just in time on Friday to meet with our new caseworker...who is a Godsend!  She is really nice and pleasant to work with.  She had us meet Cailan that night and even though it was a short visit it was obvious that Cailan felt close to us almost immediately!

The next day we spent the whole day with Cailan and really loved every moment!  We took her to the Aquarium and to eat and just hung out for hours with her.  On Sunday we went to the church she goes to with her foster mom and then we took her for lunch.  On the way back we took her to this really cool place that was like a whimsy metal garden.  Then we went back to her foster home and packed a few of her things to take back with us.

Explaining that was the only hard part because she thought we would be taking her back home with us and she cried...which broke my heart...I hated seeing her get I comforted her the best I could by explaining to her that we wish we could take her but this was the way we had to do things...that it wasn't our choice to do things this way and that she didn't do anything wrong, that we loved her and that she is our little girl and we will be together soon!

I was upset because I knew this would happen...but there is nothing we could say or do to change the other Social Workers mind when she was setting up the 'Plan of Action' to get our case resolved...even our new Social Worker didn't like this idea.  Thank God we were able to cheer Cailan up again and see her beautiful smile...she looked happy to see us packing her was like she knew we meant what we said to her.  We said our goodbyes and let her know that we are going to finish getting her room ready and that we love her and can't wait to see her again...I could tell she was happy about what we were doing at this point.

*I wish I could post some photos of her...especially her beautiful smile but due to the sensitivity of this case I don't feel comfortable to post pictures of her but I am sharing our experience of meeting her because it is part of my documenting my life here on this blog.

This experience has truly changed my outlook on so many levels...the first was on TRULY relying on God...I always have but I felt like he wanted to show me some miracles unfold before my very eyes!  I also had to TRUST him completely...which also meant trusting my parents completely with my furbabies and NOT worry about them at all...which I won't lie...was hard!!  But not because my parents wouldn't be good to them but because I tend to worry about "what if's"...which was the same for the driving up there...I think God was sick of me worrying about "what if's" and he made me realize that I wasn't truly trusting him if I was worrying about just before we left I prayed about everything and gave all my worries to the Lord...I truly did...I declared that I wasn't going to worry and that I was going to enjoy myself...I felt like the birdie that finally leaped out of the nest and was delighted to discover that she was SOARING!!!

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