Sunday, May 9, 2010

The year of changes continues...Remodeling Part 2

Well it is now Mother's Day...which has always been bittersweet for me. I am happy to celebrate my mom's, and all my family & friends who are mom's but I couldn't help but to feel a silence of sadness. It's actually a little louder now since I am 41 and still haven't had a child of my own...I usually push out any thoughts of this and try to keep myself as distracted as possible. This year is different...I guess it's all a part of this year of changes for me.

I don't feel too sad, in fact, I'm just allowing myself to think about it...but not in a feel sorry for myself kind of way. I've actually realized that I am a mom spiritually to 2 of my miscarried babies, so in that way I can feel blessed that at least I will get to meet them one day. :) I named my first baby Michael whom was miscarried January 1996 and the 2nd is Julia Estrella miscarried July 2000. So imagine my surprise when I realized that I really am a mom! I can't believe it took me so long to see this! Happy Mother's Day to me after all!! :)

I know the title of this blog is a little misleading since I'm not yet remodeling my home but I am a work in progress mentally, spiritual and physically! So just keep in mind that when you see 'remodeling' in my blog titles it may not necessarily be about a home improvement project but of a 'me' improvement! :) God bless you all and Happy Mother's Day to all of us mom's!!

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