Tuesday, December 11, 2012

On The Edge...Riding Down The Roller Coasters Of Life

How or where do I even begin to post anything right now...my life feels like it's on the edge of many of my BIG dreams...it's a scary place to be...I am also in a state that I could only describe as truly going on BLIND FAITH...continuing in a direction without having a clue of how it will all end up but continuing all the same because I BELIEVE that no matter what the outcome...whether it pains me deeply or brings me much joy...it will be the best thing for me because I trust God and know that HE knows what's best for me.  I'm not going to lie and say that it's an easy place to be...in reality it's pretty much the hardest place I've ever been.  It's a place where you have NO choice but to truly let go...at first you think it's easy and will continue to be...but when weeks go by without a word and you know you need to stay out of it...it gets very difficult.

Then recently, I've been feeling nudges of doing something about the situations I'm dealing with...like I'm being prepped for something BIG!!  What's completely amazing about this is that it isn't only about one thing in my life but almost everything in my life...I feel it's only fair to let you in on what I'm dealing with - of course not in full detail but only in a summary version:

*My husband and I have no children of our own and felt ready to become Foster Care Certified for years but earlier this Spring (April) I was asked by my cousin if I would please help her by fostering her Granddaughter...I said yes of course and since then my husband and I have been working very hard to become certified (and it was a lot of work and it included me giving up my art room, but we didn't mind at all).  In July we thought we were approved but then found out that we needed to be qualified through a county agency and needed to start all over again...again we didn't mind.  We were looking forward to welcoming not only a little girl but also her older brother into our lives by Halloween...then no, maybe Thanksgiving...but then the strangest thing happened...I can't say exactly what happened but only that in one conversation...I have been misjudged...and now not only are we definately not going to be able to have the children here for Christmas...but we may not get them at all...this event occured about 3 weeks ago and since then we have not heard from anyone...until recently finally I spoke with my 2nd cousin today and he let me know that he knows that I have done everything I could do and that he thinks we should be silent no more...that we need to let those in charge know that we will not let go without a fight (not literally of course).  His words were very liberating for me and I feel like I am preparing for whatever action I feel led to do next, as I dare not do anything yet without my Lord's leading and guiding me to what it is I need to do.

*The other issue is about my artwork...I know there is something more I am to do with my art and I feel the Lord whispering to me 'are you ready?' or 'you better be prepared' but the most exciting whisper is when I hear him telling me to just 'let go'...that 'it's time to fly'...this speaks to me in all areas of my life...Spiritually, Musically, and Artistically...

*Also for me Spiritually...personally...it's like I've been stuck in a cocoon state for so long...so long that I've let myself dwell in it...like I've made it into a pretty and cozy little home inside...like I've fooled myself into not venturing out because...well it's nice enough here...but sometimes it could feel a little lonely...don't get me wrong, I have my husband and my mom who are my best friends as well as my other family & friends who I adore with all my heart...but what I've been craving lately is to be around others who like to be creative like me...friends that we can inspire each other...I am feeling like I need to break down this cocoon for good so that I could venture out...into the garden of life!!

So as you can see...I have all these different angles of my life aiming in the same direction...like everything is about to catapult in the same direction at the same time...oh how I am filled with anticipation like when your on a roller coaster and you feel the butterflies and your at the top closing your eyes...on the verge of riding down the Collasus!  In fact, recently I watched this awesome video by Marie Forleo, in which she teaches about riding your fear...here's the link that I highly recommend:   http://youtu.be/9Sm-DWZw64s So here's to riding those big rollercoasters in our life!!

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